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Tim Minchin on Christmas
29 minutes ago
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
Films from the Crypt: Episode 10 - Elves (1989)
Films from the Crypt: Episode Ten - Elves (1989)
Director: Jeffery Mandel
Tagline: "They Don't Work for Santa Anymore!"
View a CLIP
Starring: Dan Haggerty
WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD
Tis the season, so let's take a look at a holiday-oriented horror flick. Elves is pretty much a clusterfuck from the very beginning. The plot is a mess that's really hard to decipher, but I'll try.
Our young heroine Kristin and her friends hold a ceremony in the woods (using her grandfather's ancient book!) and unwittingly awaken a long dormant elf from his slumber. Of course, the elf isn't one of Santa's helpers, but instead it's some kind of retarded, pint-sized troglodyte bent on killin'!
From there, the elf (yes, there's just one in the whole picture - even though the damn title is ELVES) begins his shitty bloodbath beginning with a department store Santa. Somewhere after that we become privy to the exceptionally ludicrous plot that has something to do with Nazis creating the elf in order to breed with a pure virgin in order to kick start the Aryan nation. There's also an odd revelation when we realize that Kristin's grandfather is also her father! I swear to God.
And, we can't forget about the chain-smoking, tough-as-nails, do-gooder Mike (played by mountain man, Dan Haggerty). He takes over as the mall Santa after the original one is mauled by the elf. When Kristin and her friends decide to sleep over at the local mall, and some old Nazis and the elf show up, Mike jumps at the opportunity to be her knight in woolly armor.
Anyway, from there it gets sillier and sillier until finally it ends in true shitty movie, anticlimactic fashion. There's more that could be said about the plot, convoluted mess that it is, but I'm going to keep this one short. The bottom line is that you need to get your hands on a copy of this flick this Christmas season. A word to the wise, however, you may want to have some punched-up egg nog around while you do.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Upcoming Film Preview: Until The Light Takes Us
Upcoming Film Preview: Until the Light Takes Us
Directed By: Aaron Aites/Audrey Ewell
Starring: Harmony Korine, Varg Vikernes, Hellhammer
Country: USA
Release Date: Winter 2009
View the TRAILER
Plot Synopsis: Documentary "chronicling the history, ideology and aesthetic of Norwegian black metal". It looks like a better, Norwegian-focused version of Metal: A Headbanger's Journey. Hopefully someone from Gorgoroth shows up to make it a real party! In all honesty, this should be a really good picture because there is a great story built-in from the start. From church burnings, to murder, the black metal scene is pretty notorious for being insanely violent and just a little on the crazy side. Looking forward to it.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
Holiday Horror - A Top Five List
I know it's been a while since I've posted, things have been a little hectic at the Warfreak househould. Anyway, who cares? There's a nip in the air, and it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. December is just one day away, so what better way to ring in the season than to list off my five favorite Holiday Horror Flicks!
1. Gremlins (1984) - Joe Dante shows off his love for classic creature features with this family-friendly horror flick. I say family friendly, but I do rememeber getting many a nightmare from watching this and its sequel. Our young protagonist Billy doesn't obey the rules laid out for him for his new exotic pets, and he pays the price for it. The creature effects are fantastic, the story is fun, and it's a definite product of the 1980s. I imagine that most of you have seen Gremlins, so I don't think I need to expound much more. Oh, and don't forget Phoebe Cates. Nice.
2. Black Christmas (1974) - Often cited as the first modern slasher, Black Christmas is the story of a murderous little bastard that sneaks into a Canadaian sorority house just before Christmas break and wreaks havoc on unsuspecting co-eds! Bob Clark, who would later direct A Christmas Story, is behind the camera on this holiday classic. Interesting trivia: originally John Carpenter's Halloween was conceived as a sequel to Black Christmas. It was to be the start of a "holiday themed" horror series - each movie focusing on a different holiday.
3. Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984) - After his parents are slain, and he is abused in an orphanage, a teenage boy dons a Santa suit and ensues on a blood-drenched rampage. The first one in the Silent Night series is nowhere near as silly as the sequels, and it's actually pretty decent, but you'll still be able to get a few laughs it and some of the crazy antics (I mean, it is a killer in a Santa suit, after all). The one thing that would have really put it over the top, would have been some really excellent grue, but beggers can't be choosers. I heard there was a remake in the pipeline, so maybe they can work that in there.
4. Christmas Evil (1980) - Played straight, Christmas Evil is the story of a young kid who loves Christmas a bit too much. Upon finding out that there's no such thing as Santa (sorry, should've put a spoiler alert there, kiddies), the boy is scarred for the rest of his life. Obviously from there, things go from bad to worse and bad things start to happen. Not a bad little film - defintely worth a watch this holiday season, and Synapse has recently released a pretty stellar DVD edition of the film that would make for a wonderful Christmas gift.
5. Jack Frost (1996) - No, not the one with Michael Keaton, this is a Full Moon type picture - straight to video, B grade all around. The story is something about a serial killer dying and coming back as a snowman, obviously this isn't Oscar material. As bad and silly as the picture is, it has a certain charm that begs to be watched with a group of people. If you watch it and you hate it, don't blame me. It all depends upon your sensibility. You've got to like bumbling crap to enjoy this one.
1. Gremlins (1984) - Joe Dante shows off his love for classic creature features with this family-friendly horror flick. I say family friendly, but I do rememeber getting many a nightmare from watching this and its sequel. Our young protagonist Billy doesn't obey the rules laid out for him for his new exotic pets, and he pays the price for it. The creature effects are fantastic, the story is fun, and it's a definite product of the 1980s. I imagine that most of you have seen Gremlins, so I don't think I need to expound much more. Oh, and don't forget Phoebe Cates. Nice.
2. Black Christmas (1974) - Often cited as the first modern slasher, Black Christmas is the story of a murderous little bastard that sneaks into a Canadaian sorority house just before Christmas break and wreaks havoc on unsuspecting co-eds! Bob Clark, who would later direct A Christmas Story, is behind the camera on this holiday classic. Interesting trivia: originally John Carpenter's Halloween was conceived as a sequel to Black Christmas. It was to be the start of a "holiday themed" horror series - each movie focusing on a different holiday.
3. Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984) - After his parents are slain, and he is abused in an orphanage, a teenage boy dons a Santa suit and ensues on a blood-drenched rampage. The first one in the Silent Night series is nowhere near as silly as the sequels, and it's actually pretty decent, but you'll still be able to get a few laughs it and some of the crazy antics (I mean, it is a killer in a Santa suit, after all). The one thing that would have really put it over the top, would have been some really excellent grue, but beggers can't be choosers. I heard there was a remake in the pipeline, so maybe they can work that in there.
4. Christmas Evil (1980) - Played straight, Christmas Evil is the story of a young kid who loves Christmas a bit too much. Upon finding out that there's no such thing as Santa (sorry, should've put a spoiler alert there, kiddies), the boy is scarred for the rest of his life. Obviously from there, things go from bad to worse and bad things start to happen. Not a bad little film - defintely worth a watch this holiday season, and Synapse has recently released a pretty stellar DVD edition of the film that would make for a wonderful Christmas gift.
5. Jack Frost (1996) - No, not the one with Michael Keaton, this is a Full Moon type picture - straight to video, B grade all around. The story is something about a serial killer dying and coming back as a snowman, obviously this isn't Oscar material. As bad and silly as the picture is, it has a certain charm that begs to be watched with a group of people. If you watch it and you hate it, don't blame me. It all depends upon your sensibility. You've got to like bumbling crap to enjoy this one.
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